In the story of "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves" there is a cave door that can only be opened by the magical phrase "Open, Sesame". Similarly, in tango there is a door to cabeceo success which can only be opened by a magical incantation. This *unspoken* incantation is used by followers to ward off cabeceo confusion, and avoid cabeceo hijacking. It's simple to invoke, has no cost, and no downside. The silent incantation is: "We Ight". [** see footnote **] I periodically witness followers who forget to use the simple 3-step cabeceo protocol, and then are confused or embarrassed by the outcome. Here is the protocol for the follower:
Listen to this discussion of cabeceo by Gustavo Benzecry Sabá and Luciana Guido. Gustavo:
For those of you who don't speak Spanish, the following two videos will illustrate the importance of We Ight:
*** Footnote: We Ight comes from an ancient language that is no longer spoken. However archeo-linguists have determined that it must have been pronounced similar to the English word “weight”.
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Soltadas are not my bread & butter. I love the embrace too much. Yet I admire acclaimed dancers who use soltadas to good effect. For example, I find this waltz by Murat Erdemsel & Sigrid van Tilbeurgh mesmerizing, and the soltadas seem to fit perfectly.
Over the years I've taken several soltada workshops and gradually refined one version that I used occasionally to add variety to my dance. I tended to reserve it for tandas with alternative/nuevoish music, and for situations where the pista was not crowded. What follows is a cautionary tale of a soltada sorrow. Leaders be warned... Many years before Covid I was at a milonga and noticed an out-of-town follower across the room. I knew her reputation as an extremely talented dancer and experienced tanguera. She was actively scanning the room for a cabeceo. I cabeceoed. She nodded and smiled. We embraced and danced. The first song was a warmup, just basic getting-to-know-you vocabulary. Things went well until 1/2 way through the second song. The floor was almost empty and something triggered me to lead my signature soltada. I'd like to think it was to express a special moment in the music, but more likely it was curiosity to explore what she was capable of. Almost immediately she stopped in her tracks, looked at me and said "Please don't ever lead that again". I was stunned. That had never happened in years of milongas. I simply nodded and we resumed the tanda without further incident. I didn't know if the soltada caused a physical discomfort, or if she simply didn't like to break the embrace. It was during the peak of the "no means no" era, so etiquette prevented me from inquiring about her reasons. The next time she visited I attempted to cabeceo her for 3-4 different tandas, but she seemed to be avoiding me. Okay. The next time she visited I attempted to cabeceo her again, for 2-3 tandas, but she seemed to be avoiding me. Okay. The next time she visited I attempted to cabeceo her for 1-2 tandas, but she seemed to be avoiding me. Okay. There seemed to be a pattern. She clearly understood and participated in cabeceo so her repeated rejection of my cabeceo suggested that I had lost her trust and been put on her blacklist. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable so at the next milonga I didn't try to cabeceo her at all. And to my regret we have never danced again. Leaders beware ... some followers detest soltadas. This blog gives you a sample of how some tangueras feel. My advice to leaders ... Soltadas are probably safe to lead if you're dancing with beginner/intermediates. They will tend to be happy to follow anything that is led. But if you're dancing with an experienced follower for the first time, it might be wise to gain prior consent before leading soltadas. I'm curious to hear what other leaders and followers have experienced. Last night we experienced the most alarming milonga in Pittsburgh history. Right from the very beginning the milonga seemed destined for failure. I unlocked the door, crossed the room to the alarm box and entered the deactivation code. Nothing. I reentered the deactivation code. Nothing. I entered the deactivation code a third time and.... SIRENS. Blaring, ear splitting, bone throbbing decibels of sonic assault. Unlike the Sirens that tempted Odysseus to stay, these sirens were calling for our departure. I called the proprietor to report what I assumed was a mental lapse on my part, but had to leave a message on the answering machine, and hope for a quick return call.
After a few more minutes the sirens ceased, to be replaced by a less debilitating sound, yet one that was still annoyingly intrusive. That incessant warble continued off and on for the next thirty minutes during the beginner tango lesson. It seemed to wear itself out after several minutes and go silent, only to be re-energized with each new dancer who entered the front door. I was faced with the grim realization that I would probably have to call off the milonga. Then it stopped. While I had been locked in the paralysis of analysis, someone else had been working behind the scenes, or more accurately underground, to overcome the cacophony. That someone was "El Abogado". Like Mario battling Bowser, El Abogado repeatedly attacked the ADT, pulling no punches, but pulling lots of circuit breakers, until finally the master plug was pulled, and the siren's source of sonic energy was replaced by the sound of silence. On behalf of the many tanguerxs who braved the cold weather to attend Milonga del 412 last night...Thank you Rich Walters for saving the night. It's just one of the many ways you have contributed to the ongoing life of the local tango scene. The Pittsburgh tango festival is May 10-13, bringing many experienced, out-of-town dancers. Most of them will use cabeceo to invite/accept a dance. This post doesn't address the pros/cons of cabeceo. It won't give you any advice on whether to use cabeceo or some other approach. But if you choose to use cabeceo, this post might help you use it more smoothly.
Cabeceo is a protocol (codigo / convention / etiquette) between two people. It's fairly intuitive, but it only works well if both people know, and follow the same protocol. The cabeceo protocol is a non-verbal conversation. The traditional protocol has three stages: 1) eye contact; 2) physical signal; 3) get together. Here is the sequence: 1) look → ← look 2) nod → ← nod 3) walk → wait Step #1 Both dancers do the same thing....make eye contact. It doesn't really matter who looks first. It only matters that both dancers must be looking. Maintain eye contact until after step 3. If you break eye contact it means “Ooops, no thank you, I didn't mean it”. Step #2 Both dancers do the same thing...make a physical gesture. A nod, a raised eyebrow, a tilt of the head, all will do. Cabeceo works even if the dancers use different gestures. The important thing is that both dancers participate. If the follower doesn't make a visible physical gesture, the protocol will stall. Traditionally it was the leader who nodded first, but cabeceo can work no matter who makes the first physical gesture. Personally I have no problem being either the initiator or the responder. Notes:
Step #3 The dancers do something different. The leader walks across the room. The follower waits, i.e. does not start walking. If follower is seated, remain seated until your partner is directly in front of you. Maintain eye contact while your partner approaches. A couple times I have seen an experienced dancer use this when there was no one else nearby. The "who me?" was not really a question, but rather a coy flirtation.
In general I advise against using "who me?", but this might be an exception. I have no objection to people flirting from afar, but a smile and nod is still needed to seal the deal. Please feel free to share your experiences and insights on this topic. Sometimes a follower sits or stands with friends. It may be hard to tell who the cabeceo was for. It's tempting to try to clarify by some form of "who me?" However this is usually a wasted effort.
Imagine the following scenario.... three followers in a group .... a cabeceo comes from across the room ... it's not clear who the cabeceo was intended for ... all three followers point to themselves and mouth the words "who me?". The leader smiles and nods his head up and down. Now what? All three followers may firmly believe that they are about to have a magical tanda with their dream partner, but two of them are in for a surprise. This can be especially awkward if all three followers stand up and start walking toward the leader. [Note: The same scenario can occur even if no one is next to you. Imagine another follower 5-10 feet behind you.] Instead of "who me?" just do these four simple things: smile, nod, maintain eye contact and wait. If the leader approaches you directly, all is well. You get to dance that tanda with him. If the leader approaches one of the other followers in your group, all is not lost. The leader has almost certainly noticed your smile, and nod, even though he did not approach you for the current tanda. You just added yourself to his mental dance card. Bottom line: Don't use "who me?" as a response to a cabeceo. A better response is to either accept the cabeceo with a smile and a nod, or reject the cabeceo by looking away. Please feel free to share your experiences and insights on this topic. The beginning dancer may be unsure of his/her own ability and desirability as a dance partner. Sometimes the beginning follower can't believe that a more experienced leader would invite them to dance. If the follower is insecure in the invitation to dance it hints that her dance may be equally insecure. It sets the tone for a less than pleasant dance.
If someone invites you to dance, they have implicitly agreed to appreciate your current ability. I have had some very pleasant dances with beginners, and occasionally some less than pleasant dances with more experienced dancers. Even if you are a beginner, don't sell yourself short. Don't use "who me?" as a response to a cabeceo. A better response is to either accept the cabeceo with a smile and a nod, or reject the cabeceo by looking away. Please feel free to share your experiences and insights on this topic. I was visiting a milonga in another town far away. As I scanned the room I saw a woman looking in my direction. I gave her my best cabeceo. She responded by raising her eyebrows, pointing at herself, and mouthing the words "who me?"It's a somewhat natural response in certain situations, but it's not effective. It just prolongs the process unnecessarily.
Don't use "who me?" as a response to a cabeceo. A better response is to either accept the cabeceo with a smile and a nod, or reject the cabeceo by looking away. Please feel free to share your experiences and insights on this topic. Click on the comment link above. |
AuthorThis blog is devoted to Argentine tango. It reflects my experiences during my tango journey. I hope you will enrich this blog by adding your experiences and insights into tango. Archives
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